(please note: I still want my dad to write up a bunch of his stories from growing up – 1 of 5 boys. Those stories not included here. I definitely want to have kids if I can have 5 boys)
1. Andrew really values my company
(Scene: Andrew and I driving through town after dropping of my truck at the mechanic, on the way to the grocery store.)
Me: Thanks for running errands with me.
Andrew: Yea, fun.
Me: Fun? Really? On a scale of 1-10 how fun is running errands with your wife?
Andrew: I dunno (guilty smile) … .3?
Me: 3?! Spending time with your wife is a 3?
Andrew: ‘Running errands’ with you is a 3. You know … uh. 3-5 is ‘fun.’ 6-8 is ‘really fun.’ And, uh, 9 and 10 is ‘The Best!’
(several minutes pass, listening to Nirvana, talking about Kurt Cobain)
Me: How did he commit suicide, again?
Andrew: Shotgun. To the mouth.
Me: ugh.
Andrew: Yea, not fun.
Me: On a scale of 1-10 …?
Andrew: (laughs loudly) 2
Me: a 2?? Oh good. Running errands with me is just a notch above suicide by shotgun to the mouth.
(P.S. later conversations reveal that a zombie attack would be a 10)
2. Someone almost dies (part 1)
When Andy was growing up he and his best friend David got into all sorts of scrapes.
Once, when they were playing ‘War’ or something like that – Andy insists it was David’s idea – they were throwing sticks and rocks and things. David started to run away, and Andy threw a rock that ended up hitting him so hard the ambulance had to come and David was out of school for a month.
3. Someone almost dies (part 2)
Andy insists David made him jump of the roof of his house.
4. Someone almost dies (part 3)
Andy and David were playing ‘War’ (again), and Andy was the ‘captive.’ They had been playing awhile and Andy wanted a drink of water. There was a spigot on the side of the house and he started over to drink some water. David says, “You better not be going to take a drink.” and on and on about how a captive is not allowed to take a drink of water. Andy (of course) does it anyway.
As he is leaning down to try to drink from the spigot, David throws a dart at him. Ends up sticking straight out of Andy’s upper arm, just a few inches from his face. Blood everywhere.
I’ll keep collecting.
Good boy stories. Want to run errands today?
Your husband is so hilarious. You know, girls can have stories too.
Once when we were down at the beach some “friend” were throwing huge (about a foot wide) dirt clods from the top of the cliff down at us and thought it was fun to watch them break apart when they hit. One of them had a rock in it and hit me in the head hard enough to knock me down and unconscious for a few seconds. No blood or ambulance, but made me really mad. Stupid kid.
The Andy stories are exactly why i’m really not that interested in having any boys. Remind me to tell you the stories about how my brother has a BB pellet in his shoulder and how my other brothers nearly set a neighbor’s truck on fire.